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BangkuMahoni

Sep 14

Life on Purpose

I recently read a book called Life on Purpose: Six Passages to an Inspired Life by Dr. Brad Swift. This is a truly excellent book on how to discover your life purpose. I highly recommend it to anyone looking to gain clarity with respect to their core reason for being here.

On Amazon.com this book currently has a 5-star average rating after 13 reviews, and deservedly so. I receive many books in the mail from publishers and PR people, and most have such generic, unoriginal content I can’t possibly recommend them. Life on Purpose, however, is a shining beacon of compelling content and unique ideas, concisely organized and well-structured. I have a hard time finding anything I don’t like about it, so I’d rate it 5 stars as well.

What I liked most about this book is that it presents the concept of a life purpose as an unfolding path rather than some fixed idea like a mission statement. Reading the book is a process in itself, with many exercises to gain greater clarity.

What I found unique about this book is that it distinguishes between your “inherited purpose” and your true “divinely inspired purpose.” Brad emphasizes the importance of understanding your inherited purpose (which I would categorize under the label of social conditioning) because otherwise it ends up guiding your actions subconsciously. This is similar to what some people would refer to as our shadow selves, but I think the Inherited Purpose is more specific and useful to understanding how fear guides our actions by default when we don’t stay conscious.

Life on Purpose has a very spiritual–I could even say religious–slant to it, and at the same time it comes across as immensely practical. For example, among the 28 rules of purpose are:

1. Become Incredibly Selfish.

Spend your days with “in the beam” activities–those activities that are full expressions of your life purpose–and delegate “out of the beam” activities to other people who will find those activities to be “in their beam.”

7. Market Your Talents Shamelessly.

Your talents are the gifts given to you by God so that you can fully express your life purpose. Marketing God’s gifts is attractive and allows you to play full out in expressing your life’s purpose.

13. Get Your Needs Met, Once and for All.

This is related to building a super reserve. Unmet needs attract others with the same unmet needs. Many needs are based in the survival mode of your Inherited Purpose. Identifying those needs is the first step to handling them once and for all. The more of them you handle, the more room you have in which to express your life purpose.

19. Perfect Your Environment.

Your environment is an important facet of what calls you to be. It is either calling you to be your Inherited Purpose or your true purpose. An integral part of your environment is the people in your life. Surround yourself with people who know you as your purpose and who endorse and support your expressing it fully.

This is no airy-fairy, find-your-purpose-and-life-will-automatically-be-perfect book. It recognizes the roles of money, health, companionship, and other physical world concerns. Whereas other books I’ve read on purpose are either too hard or too soft, Life on Purpose does a great job of balancing the spiritual with the practical in a way that fully honors both.

“A Life Purpose is Based in Love, Not Fear.” - Dr. Brad Swift

The line above is one of the key differences between and Inherited Purpose and a divinely inspired purpose. And Inherited Purpose is rooted in fear. It may involve something like getting rich, achieving a certain level of status, or acquiring lots of stuff. But a divinely inspired purpose is a form of creative self-expression, exhibiting both self-love and love of others.

My Inherited Purpose is the part of me that says I need to build a successful business, achieve some positional form of status, make lots of money, etc. In the business world, this is what people commonly assume I care about most. This is also what my social conditioning says I should value, but of course it’s all rooted in fear. Interestingly, this is also the purpose that says the world is majorly screwed up and that I must do what I can to fix some of it. It would say the purpose of StevePavlina.com is to help repair people who are somehow screwed up, including me. When I’m not staying conscious, this is the purpose that automatically takes over and guides my actions. This is why living consciously is so incredibly important!

My divinely inspired purpose, on the other hand, is the softer inner voice that says I’m here to serve as an outlet for inspired creative expression. It sees the world as already perfect, and it has no ego-based need to judge or fix people. This is the part of me that just loves to grow, to live fully, and to share that expression of my true self with others while being totally unattached to outcomes. When I write from that level of being, I can feel I’m doing my very best work. The words just flow effortlessly, and I can express myself honestly while recognizing the divine perfection behind our apparent human imperfections. When I’m in this state, I’ve no concern for money or status. Even helping people isn’t of major concern. I’m just being my natural self, expressing my own joy and passion for life. And interestingly that’s probably what people find most valuable in my writing. It’s not the specific advice that seems to have the biggest impact on people; it’s the level of being that comes through when I’m honoring my true purpose. And of course this isn’t unique to me. We’re all capable of it.

I find that staying in tune with my true purpose while acknowledging my Inherited Purpose makes it fairly easy to make a living and take care of my practical needs. However, those things still need to be handled intelligently. A divinely inspired purpose doesn’t eliminate those needs, but it does make them much less problematic. And the simple reason is that when you’re in tune with your true purpose, you’ll be tapped into your deepest source of creativity, which is what gives you the energy and inspiration to provide real value to others.

My creative expression is what provides the value that generates all my income and helps take care of my practical concerns. To me it feels like an inexhaustible well upon which I’ll always be able to draw. Whenever I have a practical problem, the heart of the solution is usually to return to that well and create more.

I encourage you to check out Life on Purpose, whether you think you know your purpose or not. I think you’ll find it a valuable blend of inspiration and practical ideas. It goes down really well with a cup of chamomile tea.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

New York City Trip

Erin and I are attempting to plan a trip to New York City, most likely in the second half of October. We’ve been to other east coast cities, but somehow neither of us has been to NYC yet, so we want to remedy that. We’ll likely have 3 full days in the city, plus a couple half-days on each end for travel from Las Vegas. I’d love to do a longer trip, but we don’t want to take the kids out of school, and that’s about as far as we can stretch the grandparents. So it will just be Erin and me. Our visit will probably overlap a weekend.

If there’s some interest from our readers, I think it would be fun to arrange one or more meet-ups along the way. Maybe we’ll even blog the trip as we go along.

We want to learn about life in NYC from locals, do some sightseeing, check out some of the city’s many vegan restaurants, and hopefully learn to speak a little New Yorker. I’m also really looking forward to my first mugging.

Seeing a Broadway show isn’t a big deal to us, since we can see many of the same shows in Vegas.

Here are some questions we have for those who know the city well:

What’s worth seeing/doing in NYC? What can we easily skip?
What’s a good meet-up location for potentially a dozen or more people to hang out and chat for a while?
Where should we stay (parts of town or specific hotels)?
What’s the best way to get around town (taxi, subway, on foot, being shoved)?
For those weird folk who don’t eat anything with a face – any veg*an restaurants you’d recommend? (We can get a list from VegDining.com, but there are more to choose from than we could visit.)
We can’t bring weapons on the plane, so where’s a good place to arm ourselves once we arrive?

If you have answers to any of the above… or if you’re interested in coming to a meet-up during our trip… or if you’d just want to hang out while we do dumb touristy things, please let me know by either replying to this post’s thread in the forums or by dropping me a note via the contact form. This will help me get a rough idea of how many people might want to get together.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Sep 06

Overcoming Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy has been one of my most requested topics for new articles, but in the past I’ve always declined such requests because I don’t have much personal experience in this area. I’m not prone to jealousy, so I can’t explain from personal experience how to overcome it. Nevertheless, due to the demand for such an article, I’ll risk sharing my thoughts on it anyway.

In my opinion jealousy is a side-effect of a mindset that’s rooted in scarcity. Jealousy is the emotion resulting from the notion that another person’s success or happiness somehow diminishes your own. If you look at the world from the lens of abundance instead of scarcity, it’s very difficult to become jealous.

From my standpoint another person’s success and happiness is a very good thing. You could even say that’s my purpose in running this site. When the people around me are happy and fulfilled, they’ll naturally spread those feelings to others. This is a situation to be desired, not avoided.

I’d rather be surrounded by people who are doing better than me in some fashion than by people who are unhappy. Seeing people exceed my capabilities doesn’t make me jealous. It inspires me.

I have friends who are incredibly talented, and it’s hard for me to imagine ever being at their level. But I can say with total honesty that I never feel jealous of their successes and accomplishments, even when they totally put me to shame with their skill. And the reason is that I see reality in such a way that other people’s happiness is simply another expression of my own happiness.

Jealousy is a very ego-based notion. If you want to feel jealous, you must first adopt a scarcity mindset that suggests we’re in competition with each other. Reality must be reduced to your ego vs. other people. If someone gets that great job, that wonderful girlfriend, or that new house, it means you can’t have it. They won. You lost.

There’s an element of scarcity in jealousy as well as an element of attachment. If you want to become jealous, just become emotionally attached to something impermanent and then lose it to someone else.

What you may not yet realize is that the mindset of jealousy is in fact creative. If you cling to a belief in scarcity, you’ll attract plenty of scarcity-based situations that will reflect that mindset back to you: the promotion that you missed because someone else got it, the girlfriend you lost to your best friend, the parent that expresses more affection for your siblings instead of you. Due to the creative nature of jealousy, I’ve no doubt whatsoever that if you’re prone to jealousy, you’ll find plenty of reasons to feel jealous. I’m not saying those reasons aren’t valid or that you should just pretend you didn’t get the short end of the stick. I’m sure you got shafted big time. But are you aware of why this keeps happening to you? Until you can reach that awareness, you’ll continue repeating the pattern of manifesting new reasons to be jealous.

My current view of reality makes it nearly impossible for jealousy to arise because I don’t subscribe to the belief that we’re all separate beings in competition with each other. Instead I see us as projections of an all-encompassing consciousness. This may sound a little strange, but I usually prefer not to think of myself as an individual human being. I consider my ego to be nothing but a perspective — a lens through which consciousness can view and interact with its contents. But by itself it has no real substance.

This is similar to the mindset you might have when dreaming. If you became lucid (i.e. consciously aware that you’re dreaming while still in the dream world), you would know that the dream character you’re playing isn’t the real you. That character is just a figment and doesn’t really exist at all. In reality you are the dreamer, and the entire dream is contained within your consciousness. The dream character you temporarily thought was you is just as much you as everything and everyone else in the dream.

Now if you hold this level of awareness that you’re the dreamer and not the character within the dream, would you become jealous of the other dream characters? Not likely. You may in fact consider their success and skill to be an enhancement of the dream world, which you’d probably perceive as a good thing. Wouldn’t it be more fun to have a dream that you’re running around in the X-Men world, surrounded by characters that exceed your abilities vs. being surrounded by incompetent characters who are less skillful than you? Why not hold this same attitude in your physical life too? Isn’t it great to live in a world where others are even better off than you are?

Keep in mind that the dream will eventually end. The whole thing is rooted in illusion. It isn’t worth getting all worked up over that which you know to be impermanent. You’ll find no long-term security there. Instead focus on enjoying the unfolding story and immersing yourself in interesting experiences. This will be far more fun than becoming overly attached to possessions or positions you may temporarily hold.

Every moment of this life is just so darned fascinating and wonderful. We’re all sharing in the ongoing exploration of consciousness. What one person (or character) experiences only enhances the whole.

When I see someone else’s success, I celebrate it as my own. If I see someone do something that this seemingly limited person named Steve cannot seem to do, that’s of no consequence because I celebrate that the larger consciousness can do it, and that’s the real me anyway.

I’ve never climbed Mt. Everest, but since other people have done it, I feel as if the larger I (the consciousness in which reality unfolds — the true dreamer) has done it, so I allow myself to experience that as if it were a personal accomplishment. That probably sounds strange if you’re very attached to an objective view of the world, but I find it an empowering perspective.

Interestingly I find that with this mindset, my reality doesn’t seem to give rise to situations that could make me jealous. It’s not that I’m so great at managing my emotions — I just can’t find anything to be jealous about. Perhaps it’s because I feel that whatever I want, I can basically have if I commit myself to having it. But I think the bigger part is that I don’t maintain such a death-grip on what I have that I would be terribly upset to lose it, since I know I’m destined to lose all of it anyway. I find that I enjoy my possessions and experiences even more by accepting that all of this is temporary.

Although it may seem like my possessions can be taken away and my positions degraded, those things aren’t real and substantive anyway, so they hold no inherent value. The real value lies in the experience.

I remember Carolyn Myss saying during a lecture that we’re often willing to help people catch up to us, but we won’t help them pass us. Is this true for you?

In The Joy of Sadness, I explained how even negative emotions can be transformed into positive ones when you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness. From this perspective, jealousy would be like having your left hand accuse your right hand of stealing its ring. That would be silly. What sense does it make for your hands to fight with each other? A jealous reaction does make some sense from the perspective of an individual hand, but it makes no sense from the perspective of the larger body.

Consequently, if you’re jealous, it’s because you’re thinking of yourself as a hand, forgetting that you’re really the whole body. Everything you see and experience IS you. So in this sense, if anyone has anything, then you have it too.

I know this perspective can be difficult to grasp. I’m not suggesting it’s something you’ll pick up overnight. Just play around with it. Allow yourself to imagine the possibility that all of reality is in fact you. You’re not just a body with a brain. You’re actually the whole consciousness that’s experiencing this reality from a first-person perspective. This is your dream, and you’re the dreamer. There’s no past and no future. There’s only this present moment. From this perspective there can be no jealousy because there’s nothing outside yourself to be jealous of.

So that’s my stab at explaining how to overcome jealousy. Stop thinking of yourself as such a small, limited piece of reality, and expand your consciousness to encompass all that exists. That may sound like a wacky solution, but I can attest that it works. How can you be jealous of a dream character when you know you’re the dreamer?

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Sep 05

David Brooks Interview

Today I’m happy to share an exclusive interview with David Brooks, an award-winning professional speaker and trainer who has taught more than 10,000 business professionals to speak and write clearly, concisely, and confidently.

Recently David came to Las Vegas to give a presentation for Toastmasters, and I was so impressed with his content that I immediately approached him about doing an interview for this site.

For three consecutive years David was the top-rated trainer with an international seminar company, and he has spoken extensively across the U.S. and Canada, and in Puerto Rico, Ireland, Sweden, Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, the Bahamas, the Philippines, Thailand, Taiwan, Singapore, Bahrain, Oman, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Macau, Japan, Australia, Saudi Arabia, New Zealand, and the United Arab Emirates.

David Brooks In addition to his teaching, writing, and training skills, his skill as a public speaker has been even more prominently recognized. In 1990 he emerged from a field of more than 25,000 competitors to become the Toastmasters World Champion of Public Speaking.

Since then, he has taught, coached, and mentored six subsequent World Champions and dozens of finalists. He has been published in national magazines and has appeared on nationwide television and radio broadcasts in the U.S., Canada, Taiwan, Oman and Australia. He was also once featured in a segment on National Public Radio.

David is the co-author of The Seven Strategies of Master Presenters, a comprehensive guide to better speaking, and he has also produced three audio CD learning programs and two DVDs to teach better speaking and delivery skills.

In this interview David Brooks shares his insights to help you improve your communication and presentation skills.

1. What overall strategy did you use to become the 1990 World Champion of Public Speaking? How did you do it?

The day I made the commitment to attempt a run for the Toastmasters’ title I told myself, “I may encounter competitors who can ‘out-speak’ me, but no one will ‘out-prepare’ me.” I then made the commitment to spend as much time as it took to be absolutely ready the moment I took the stage in the International finals. I promised myself I would not take the stage with the thought “If only I had a little more time” in my head. That was the most important strategy–Do whatever it takes to be the best prepared. Thereafter, it was merely a matter of choosing the right message, writing it well, and practicing it more than anyone else.

2. Why did you become a professional speaker? Was it a conscious choice or an accident? What motivates you to speak professionally today?

My decision to become a professional speaker was mostly due to necessity meeting opportunity. When I won the World Championship of Public Speaking, I had a successful business as a writer, editor, and graphic designer. Desktop publishing didn’t take off until the early ’90s, so I was doing publication design the old-school way–with a light table, a T-square and an X-Acto knife. Then desktop publishing took off and my business changed radically. Many of my mainstay accounts decided to invest in their own desktop publishing systems and I lost a large number of clients to a technological revolution. Somewhat in desperation, I decided to parlay my credentials as a recent World Champion Speaker into a career as a professional speaker. I signed on with SkillPath Seminars and went on the road for three years presenting seminars for them. I found immediate success–for each of the three years I worked for them, I was their highest-rated trainer. That’s when I knew I was able to make a living as a speaker. So I left SkillPath and went into business for myself, and I now make more in one day than I did in several weeks working for them. That’s what keeps me going today–I get paid well for doing what I do well.

3. What’s your best advice for overcoming (or at least effectively managing) the fear of public speaking, especially for people who aren’t professional communicators?

As with any skill, speaking can be improved with practice. Simply, the more time you spend in front of an audience, the easier it becomes. That’s why Toastmasters is the best recommendation for anyone who needs to practice in front of a live audience. After five or six presentations in a Toastmasters’ setting, fear transforms into familiarity, and with familiarity comes fun. Once fun sets in, fear is gone. How long does this process take? I made enormous strides from fear to familiarity to fun in the first six months…and it continues to be more fun every time I stand to speak.

4. What relevance do presentation and communication skills have to someone who doesn’t intend to make a career out of speaking?

It always surprises me when I hear someone say “I’m no public speaker.” I disagree. Except for those who have a physical limitation that prevents the power of speech, everyone is a public speaker. If you speak on the telephone, that’s public speaking. If you place an order at a fast-food restaurant, that’s public speaking. It doesn’t matter whether the “audience” is one person or a thousand, if words come out of your mouth you are speaking publicly. So, since virtually everyone is a public speaker, virtually everyone should be concerned with speaking clearly, concisely, and confidently. The ability to speak with precision and poise is one of the most important professional and personal skills a person can attain. As Daniel Webster said, “If all my possessions and powers were to be taken from me with one exception, I would choose to keep the power of speech, for by it I could recover all the rest.”

5. In your Magic Moments series, you dissect notable segments from various contest speeches, both from the winners and the other finalists. What have been some of the most important distinctions you’ve gained from this dissection process, as opposed to simply considering each speech as a unified whole?

I’m no automobile mechanic, but I do know this: better parts produce better performance. A speech is much the same: its impact can be greater if all of its components are well crafted. Memorable messages can come when every part of a presentation has a purpose. In my Magic Moments DVDs I teach speakers to take a speech apart, focusing only on the best parts. By studying “magic moments”–those moments of brilliance that can be found surrounded by the mundane in almost every speech, you can learn to focus on what works best. And once you learn what works best you can then build a better speech. (Magic Moments is the best-selling and most-watched educational program in the history of Toastmasters.)

[SP: I have Magic Moments 1 and 2 on DVD, and both are excellent. I was actually in the audience during Magic Moments 2 while it was being recorded in 2004 in Reno.]

6. Would you share some practical, immediately applicable ideas for improving one’s presentation skills in a job-related setting?

Without question, the single most important skill any speaker can develop is the ability to tell a good story. Think back to your earliest recollections of childhood. Except for your none-too-subtle “requests” for food, do you recall what you asked for first? A story. We wanted to hear a good story when we were children and we never outgrew that desire. It is a universal human pleasure. The most effective communicators are the most effective story-tellers. But it’s not enough to simply tell a story–the best communicators are those who tell small stories to make big points. It works everywhere, from social settings to the boardroom. However, I must inject an important distinction: the best stories to tell have two unique characteristics. They must be real, and they must be your own.

7. What role does humor play when speaking on otherwise serious topics? How can one effectively incorporate humor into a presentation?

A standard line in the speaking profession is “Do I have to use humor in my presentations? Answer: Only if you want to be paid.”

In North America, humor is indispensable. This is not nearly as important elsewhere in the world. In Europe, for example, a content-rich presentation without a single laugh can still be well-received. But in North America, the best-received presentations are those that make us laugh while making us think. So does this mean you have to become a comedian? No. In fact, the standard-format “joke” (A ______, a ______, and a ______ walk into a bar…) rarely work for several reasons. First, few people can tell good joke well; second, most people have already heard it; and third, you give up the element of surprise as soon as you give the setup. As a result, I suggest you stay away from jokes. Instead find ways to inject humor through your stories as discussed above. The best humor is story-based, and always based on your experience in real life.

8. What are your favorite do’s and don’ts for creating more effective PowerPoint presentations?

I despise the phrase “Death by PowerPoint.” People that use that phrase don’t understand how PowerPoint can be a presenter’s powerful ally, if used with judicious restraint. In fact, I have been featured in a Microsoft Online article in which I explain some PowerPoint do’s and don’ts.

In addition to the points cited in that article, I suggest these five tips:

1) Don’t substitute PowerPoint for practice. Bad PowerPoint users think “My notes are on the screen–I’ll just read my slides instead of learning my message.” The audience won’t listen because they know you didn’t care enough to prepare.

2) Do use PowerPoint to illustrate or reinforce the point you are speaking about. Your slide should be a summary or a reminder of your point, not the verbatim message you are delivering.

3) Don’t commit typographic atrocities just because the program lets you. The “Word Art” button is a feature that allows you to compress, expand, elongate, stretch, spin, skew and swirl type…and all of them are bad. Typography is an art; respect the artistry by leaving it the way the typographer intended.

4) Don’t use “Random” slide transitions; they create a visual circus. Slides zooming or sliding in from all directions call attention to themselves, and as soon as the audience starts noticing the motion, your message may be lost.

5) Do limit your transitions to no more than two styles in each presentation. I use one as the as the standard transition from slide one to two to three, etc., and a second style to reveal key words within a slide. The best slide transitions are the least noticeable.

9. What are some of the biggest mistakes you’ve made as a professional speaker, and what did you learn from them?

All beginning speakers make this mistake, just as I once did: Never ask “What do you want me to speak about?” Beginning speakers are so eager to get an engagement, they overreach. As a result, in an effort to get any paid engagement, many beginning speakers accept assignments that require weeks of research for a $500 speaking fee. Obviously, you can go broke fast with this strategy. Instead, I recommend you ask the meeting planner what the purpose of their meeting or event will be. If you have a presentation that will be a good fit for their purpose then begin your negotiations. But if the meeting planner wants a presentation on a topic that is not one of your specialties, decline. It will save you money and enhance your credibility. The key to speaking success is to become an expert in one or two disciplines and having the integrity to turn down requests outside of your specialties.

10. In your book The Seven Strategies of Master Presenters (co-written with Dr. Brad McRae), you tell a story from February 1, 2003, when you were slated to do a presentation immediately after your audience learned of the Columbia Space Shuttle explosion — right above their heads in Texas. As a professional speaker, how do you handle such unforeseen situations?

ATO: Acknowledge The Obvious. When something highly unusual or unforgettably noticeable happens, to pretend it didn’t is a sign that you are not paying attention. It is perceived as indifference or ignorance. In the case of the Space Shuttle Columbia explosion, which happened directly overhead minutes before I was due to speak, my introducer had just informed the audience of the devastating news. The mood in the room was a mix of shock, fear, and sadness. For me to take the stage and pretend as if it had not happened would have been insensitive. So I had to acknowledge the obvious. I first asked for a moment of silence in respect for those who had just died. Then I asked the audience for guidance. I asked “Do you want me to proceed or postpone my presentation?” I felt it to be important to let them decide, and I was willing to accept either answer. They chose to proceed so I did, though in a much subdued manner. Let’s face it, there is no way to predict such a disastrous turn of events, but as my friend and fellow World Champion Ed Tate says, “I know I haven’t seen everything; but I’m confident I can handle anything.”

11. You very likely hold the distinction of being the person who’s spoken to more Toastmasters in the world than anyone else. In assuming this role, what have you learned that other Toastmasters probably haven’t?

Since winning the World Championship of Public Speaking in 1990, I have spoken to an average of 5,000 Toastmasters a year. I’ve done this for 17 years, so I’ve spoken to approximately 85,000 Toastmasters. Therefore, though this number is not precisely verifiable, I do believe it to be as accurate as an estimate can be. I’ve learned many lessons along the way, and not the least of which is this: “The Pope and a peasant know more than the Pope alone.” I interpret this adage to mean that no matter how good I am, or how experienced I am, or how well-traveled I am…I can always learn from someone else.

In fact, the single best line in my World Championship speech came from a beginning Toastmaster. There I was, one of the top nine speakers in all of Toastmasters in 1990, preparing for the World Championship. As I practiced my speech in front of speakers who had not attained such lofty credentials, one beginning Toastmaster wrote a comment in a post-speech evaluation. She simply wrote “I really liked when you said ‘You’re not supposed to know the Lone Ranger’s name.’” Well, when I read that note I instantly reacted defensively: “That’s not what I said.” But in a flash it hit me… “It’s not what I said, but it’s better!” I am grateful that I was smart enough and humble enough to acknowledge a better idea, without regard to the inexperience of the source. From that I learned “Keep your eyes and your ears and your mind open; you never know when a teacher will appear.”

12. What other advice, ideas, projects, and/or activities would you like to share with StevePavlina.com’s readers?

As I hope the answers to this interview have proven, I am grateful for what knowledge I have been given, and for the skills I have been able to develop. This knowledge and these skills were gifts from others, and I would be the most selfish person on Earth if I kept them all to myself. As a result, it is not only my opportunity but also my responsibility to share what I know. I invite you to visit my website: www.DavidBrooksTexas.com and search the site for more resources, some for purchase (Products tab) and some for free (Resources tab). These resources are a culmination of what I have learned in my 21-year journey from fear-filled beginner, to World Champion of Public Speaking, to globe-trotting professional speaker. You will also find information about the programs and services I offer, including executive speech coaching and speech writing. After taking a look at my website, please contact me if I may be of service.

SP: Thank you very much, David!

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 28

PhotoReading Discount

By popular demand the PhotoReading discount is back. Learning Strategies Corporation gave me permission to once again offer you the 59% discount on their PhotoReading program.

This discount is definitely temporary – the current plan is that it will expire in 3 weeks on September 18th.

If you’ve wanted to learn how to dramatically increase the rate at which you absorb and process written material but were turned off by the PhotoReading price tag, this is a nice opportunity to get it for more than half off.

For details see the PhotoReading page – there you’ll receive a discount code to reduce the price by 59%. The discount code works for both the PhotoReading Classic and PhotoReading Deluxe systems.

The original discount was extremely popular, but due to the high traffic level of this web site and especially its high search engine rankings, it isn’t practical for Learning Strategies to offer this discount forever because there’s a risk of this promotion cannibalizing their regular full-price internet sales. So they can only make such an offer for a short time.

PhotoReading includes a 30-day money-back guarantee, which can be extended to 6 months upon request, so you don’t have to take a big risk here. If you don’t feel the system works for you, just return it and get a refund.

You may wish to check out my previous reviews of the PhotoReading system here:

A year of PhotoReading

It’s been about a year since I first went through the PhotoReading system (I have the Deluxe package), and I continue to use the methods as I first learned them. I’ve also fielded many questions from people who have gone through the system. I’m going to candidly share some of what I’ve learned over the past year, both from my own personal experience as well as the feedback I’ve received from others.

First off, I want to dispel a common misconception about PhotoReading. That misconception is that it’s a faster form or regular reading or speed reading. PhotoReading isn’t speed reading; it’s a multi-step method for for efficiently extracting key information from written material. The fast-page turning step may be the sexiest looking part of the system, but taken out of context that step has limited value on its own.

Does it work?

There’s some debate as to whether the rapid page flipping step has much of an effect, since this step supposedly involves subconscious learning and therefore doesn’t have the same feel as slow reading. My experience has been that this step does have an effect when I’m open to it working. If I tell myself I’m just flipping pages and can’t possibly get anything from them, then I normally won’t perceive any special impact from this step. However, if I do it with an open mind and a positive expectation that some subconscious effect is indeed occurring, I tend to see evidence that it works.

For example, when I do the rapid page turning step while reading a self-help book that includes lots of stories, I often get an emotional hit as I go through the book, which I can later verify fits the nature of the stories. Secondly, there have been times when I’ll PhotoRead a book, and before doing the activation step, something will trigger my knowledge of what’s in the book. One time someone posted a question in the forums, and I knew the answer was in the book I’d just PhotoRead, and I also knew right where to find it. This caught my attention because the question was about something entirely different than the book’s main topic, but I just had this inner knowing that the answer was in this particular part of the book, and indeed it was.

The page flipping step may look cool, but really it’s just one part of the system. All the PhotoReading steps work together as a complete whole. If I skip one of the steps or don’t take it seriously, my comprehension of the book may be weak. But when I apply the steps religiously, even when I think they may be unnecessary, my results have been terrific.

Goal-directed reading

Perhaps the number one lesson PhotoReading has taught me is that reading must be purposeful if I wish to retain what I read. How many books that you’ve read do you still remember a year later? Most of our retention of what we read drains out of us within 48-72 hours. What did you read 3 days ago, and what did you learn from it? How much detail has been lost? Is your reading activity more than an addiction to disposable info crack?

Defining your purpose is a major part of the PhotoReading system. Consequently, I’ve learned to be much more selective about what I read. When considering a book, I’ll preview the covers and the table of contents and then ask myself: What specific information do I want from this book? What do I want to learn that will still be of use to me 5 years from now? There are a lot of books I’d have otherwise read that I now reject because I can’t come up with a clear reason for reading them other than simply to engage in the act of reading. I’ve learned that if I can’t get clear on why I should read a book, it’s a waste of my time altogether. Whether I slow-read it or PhotoRead it, I’m not going to get much value out of it, and I’m not going to retain it.

I’ve heard similar feedback from others, especially college students. Maybe you’ve been assigned a book to read, and you just don’t care about the content. The problem is that whether you slow-read it or PhotoRead it, you’re unlikely to retain much because you’re telling your brain, “This is irrelevant. I don’t care about this. Let’s just cram in enough info to pass the test, and then I’ll forget it.” That isn’t a good way to learn. If you don’t care about what you’re reading, you’re not going to retain well.

Comprehension and retention

When you slow-read a book that you don’t have a good reason for reading, it’s easier to maintain the illusion that you’re getting something out of it because you’re scanning the content word by word. It feels like you’re absorbing the ideas because you’re consciously aware of the words flowing through your mind. But realistically, you’re going to forget virtually all of it within a few days, and you’ll be left with only a fuzzy notion of the book’s contents. A year later you may barely remember you read the book at all. It may seem like this is the best way to comprehend a book, but in the long run, it’s mostly a waste of time. I read hundreds of books this way, and while I did encounter some useful ideas, most of those books were useless to me.

With PhotoReading, your purpose for reading gets magnified because if you have no compelling reason to read a book, you’ll very quickly discover that you’re not getting much out of it. This isn’t a failure of the PhotoReading system — it happens because you’re telling your mind the content isn’t important, so it has nothing to latch onto. When this happens the PhotoReading step devolves into little more than turning pages. But since you don’t have the illusion of comprehension as you do with slow reading, you will normally discover within minutes that a book just isn’t worth your time. So in my view, this makes PhotoReading a more useful method of reading because you don’t have to read the whole book just to determine if it was worthwhile. With PhotoReading you should be able to tell if a book is worthwhile in 5 minutes or less.

When I have a book I really want to read, and I get clear on exactly what I want out of it, PhotoReading works brilliantly. When I take the time to create a list of questions I want the book to answer, I can use PhotoReading to efficiently find those answers.

Reading as search

To use an analogy, PhotoReading works a bit like a search engine. If you visit a search engine and just bop around random pages, you’re wasting your time, and a week later you won’t even remember what you saw. That’s analogous to slow reading. But if you know what you’re looking for and search for it intelligently, you’re likely to find it quickly. That’s analogous to PhotoReading.

Fortunately, PhotoReading is a little more forgiving that this analogy implies. You can take a book you know nothing about and figure out whether it’s likely to contain information you want to learn. Then you can define your questions and extract the info you want. But at some point, you do need to stop and determine what exactly you want from the book. This is an iterative process, so with each step you gain additional clarity.

Whether you learn to PhotoRead or not, I’ll think you’ll benefit greatly by thinking about reading as a search function. What info are you looking for and why? If you just throw random bits of text at your eyes, you won’t really learn or retain much. But if you know what you want to learn and why you want to learn it, you’re reading will become vastly more efficient and productive.

A person example - PhotoReading The Comedy Bible

As an example of defining a purpose for reading, I bought a book called The Comedy Bible by Judy Carter. I decided that my main purpose for PhotoReading the book was to learn ideas I could apply right away to improve my humor speaking. I also wanted to learn how to put together a 3-5 minute act to test in an open mike night at a comedy club here in Las Vegas – that’s been something I always wanted to do, and I figured this book could help me achieve that goal.

After PhotoReading the book, I had a much deeper understanding of how to write and deliver comedy. I taped a few stand-up comedians on Comedy Central and dissected their jokes based on what I learned about premises, attitude, punch lines, act-outs, mixes, etc. from the book. Then I taped a few Seinfeld episodes and dissected those too. I could see the comedic patterns being used in a way I never noticed before — it became downright obvious what the writers were doing and how they were doing it.

Later Erin and I rented the movie Wild Hogs, and I dissected the comedy structure while we watched it. In some cases I easily predicted the next scene based on what I learned from The Comedy Bible. I’d say, “This scene is the premise, so most likely they’re going to do X next, which will be the punch line. That’s what I’d do with that premise.” (Fortunately, this didn’t bother Erin, and she actually enjoyed my commentary.) On some level this spoils the humor, but it also allows for a deeper appreciation of it.

I’m also writing a new humor speech (based on my experiences with polyphasic sleep), and I was able to apply what I learned from The Comedy Bible to make major improvements to the humor. I could also tell you a long story about a delightful synchronicity that happened last night related to my goal of doing an open mike night, but suffice it to say that I’m well on my way and may have the opportunity to be coached by a pro.

Coincidentally (or synchronistically — take your pick), I’ll be sharing the stage with the author, Judy Carter, at an upcoming National Speakers Association Symposium in Palm Springs next month.

My experience has been that people who have difficulty applying PhotoReading successfully too often try to skip this critical step of getting clear about why they want to read a particular book. This is a really important step and shouldn’t be skipped, even if you’re just doing slow-reading. If you don’t have a good reason for reading a book — if you can’t figure out what impact you want it to have and why — don’t bother reading it. Go read something else that will actually make a difference for you; don’t waste hours reading something you’ll forget within days.

Info dumping vs. info extraction

In any event I continue to get a lot of value from PhotoReading, and I hope you get as much out of it as I have. Learning PhotoReading has completely altered the way I think about reading. Pre-PhotoReading I thought reading was like doing a raw info dump from a book to my brain. Now I see reading as goal-directed information extraction.

To take advantage of the PhotoReading discount and get the program at 59% off the regular everyday Internet price, visit the PhotoReading page.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 27

The Joy of Sadness

Last night a thunderstorm passed through Las Vegas. The thunder was so loud and the lightning so bright that I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get up for a while. Around 3am I went downstairs and enjoyed a banana and a cup of herbal tea. Then I went outside and sat in the backyard watching the storm.

The storm was moving in from the south, and I saw several bolts of lightning striking nearby every minute, followed by booming thunder that rattled the windows. As the storm came closer, the wind picked up, and it began pouring rain, but the temperature remained around 75 F (24 C). I was sitting beneath an overhang, safely protected from the rain.

I sat outside for about an hour, contemplating the nature of existence as I often like to do. In particular I was pondering the different emotions we experience during our lives. Some people are sad. Others are happy. Some are angry. Others are fearful. Some are apathetic. Others are hopeful. It’s all impermanent though — no emotion lasts forever.

I noticed that these emotions tend to arise spontaneously in response to certain events. Something happens, and we have a certain emotional reaction to it. For the most part this response is automatic and involuntary.

Emotional feedback

Some people enjoy their emotional feedback and even look forward to it, since it’s usually a positive experience for them. For example, a person who’s in love or in a state of passion would probably be grateful for their emotions.

Other people dislike the emotional feedback they receive. Some regard their emotions as a problem and drug themselves to disable the connection, while others take the feedback to heart and realize it’s a signal that change is needed.

I regard my emotions like a feedback display in a computer game. Such a display may include details like ammo, health, and location on the map to reveal how my avatar (character on the screen) is doing. Here are some possible interpretations of how my emotions may align with the experience of my on-screen avatar:

When I’m happy it means my avatar has a good supply of ammo, good health, and is making steady progress on the map.
When I’m confused maybe my avatar has gotten lost, or he’s still figuring out how the game works.
When I’m stressed my avatar may be low on ammo and/or health, not feeling prepared for the challenges ahead.
When I’m afraid, my avatar may need to practice a bit more before tackling the next challenge.
When I’m frustrated or overwhelmed, my avatar may need to recruit help from other characters or simply slow down a bit.
When I’m feeling driven, my avatar is in the sweet spot of challenge.
When I’m sad or disappointed, it’s time for my avatar to let go of attachments (such as the cool armor he just lost) and open himself to new experiences.
When I’m bored or apathetic, perhaps my avatar is done with the current level or difficulty setting, and he needs a new, more interesting challenge… maybe even a new game.

When these emotions arise, they sometimes seem like the storm that rumbled around me as I sat outside last night. But even in the presence of such a storm, there’s a calm center that can be reached. Although your emotions arise within your consciousness, they are not your consciousness, and you are free to stop, breathe, and rise above them. This will not eliminate the emotions — they’ll still be present — but you’ll begin to see them from a third-person perspective instead of identifying with them. Similarly, as I sat amidst the lightning, thunder, wind, and rain, I calmly observed its presence, but I chose not to identify with it. I observed the storm without becoming the storm.

Observing your emotional storm

When you experience strong emotions, do you observe the storm or become the storm? Do you witness the happiness, sadness, anger, etc. as they surge through your avatar’s mind? Or do you stop and remember that this physical person is not the real you… that it’s merely your avatar in the physical world?

I’m not suggesting you can control the storm or that you even need to. The storm just is. When you observe it, it has already arisen. But by shifting your perspective, you do not have to identify with your emotional storm. You can simply observe it.

When you play a computer game, you may experience strong emotions at times, as any experienced gamer will attest. Those emotions can include fear, sadness, frustration, and more. But even though in real-life we may label such emotions as negative, when playing a game they’re considered part of the fun. How is that? Can you play a creepy game that makes you feel scared and actually enjoy it? Yes, because you know that you are not your avatar. You realize it’s a simulated experience and that the avatar’s fate is not your fate.

You can apply this same perspective shift to your physical life as well. Your physical person is your avatar in this physical universe. Now shift your perspective beyond that physical person to the level of the consciousness that is experiencing this reality, this game if you will. Allow yourself to have fun, even when experiencing seemingly negative emotions, by experiencing them without identifying with them. Observe the storm without becoming the storm.

You do not have to believe in God, immortality, the soul, or any kind of higher self in order to rise above the avatar level of consciousness. You are simply assuming a higher-level perspective. Notice that you can take on the perspective of a character in a game or a movie as you experience it; even though the character is fictional, its perspective still influences you. You don’t have to alter your spiritual beliefs to enjoy a game or a movie, nor do you have to alter your beliefs to shift your perspective beyond your physical person.

Joy

When you experience this perspective shift, you’ll begin to notice a subtle background sensation. I hesitate to call it an emotion, since you won’t feel it on the same level in which you feel your other emotions. The best analogy I can give is to imagine playing a scary computer game or watching a scary movie. In the moment you may be feeling tense, anxious, or nervous. But behind that is a more subtle sensation you might call fun, enjoyment, or pleasure. You’re enjoying the larger experience of the game or movie, but this enjoyment is on a different level than your low-level experience of the current on-screen situation.

Similarly, when you feel sad, angry, or frustrated, you may stop and notice a different sensation behind that emotion. To observe this sensation, you must step outside of the temporary storm and simply witness it for a while. I tend to think of this sensation as joy, but you may label it something else entirely. It is a pleasurable and expansive yet soothing sensation. Some people might call it ecstasy, God consciousness, or a feeling of oneness. Again, I hesitate to call it an emotion, since it isn’t felt on that level. It’s more like a state of consciousness.

Emotional transmutation

The interesting thing about this state of consciousness is that it transforms seemingly negative emotions into more positive sensations. For example, if I’m feeling sad, and then I stop and rise above the sadness and just observe it for a while, it transforms into what I might call beautiful melancholy. I realize this may sound strange if you’ve never experienced it, but the sadness becomes a very pleasurable emotion. The sadness begins to feel so incredibly good, and I have this sense of deep gratitude for it. I just want to soak it up and enjoy it.

Imagine watching a sad movie, perhaps one that makes you cry. On the one hand, people may label such sadness as a negative emotion, but if you drop your resistance to it, it actually becomes a positive experience. Watching a sad movie can in fact be intensely pleasurable, but that pleasure isn’t really felt on the same level as the sadness. It’s like there’s a background curtain of joy behind the stage of sadness.

This joyful transmutation works for other emotions too. These states cannot be adequately expressed with mere labels; nevertheless, here are some labels I use that may help you experience the transformation of emotional states:

Sadness becomes beautiful melancholy
Anger becomes comical indignation
Frustration becomes childlike anticipation
Apathy becomes soothing perfection
Guilt becomes soulful forgiveness
Fear becomes unstoppable courage
Loneliness becomes peaceful oneness
Confusion becomes immersive curiosity
Disappointment becomes loving gratitude

Raising your consciousness beyond your current storm of emotions is a beautifully transforming experience. Instead of resisting your emotions, you accept them completely. This makes it possible to experience the joy behind those emotional states you might otherwise find unpleasant.

When you rise above your own emotional storm, you still retain access to the message behind those emotions. But now you’re in a more empowered state to consciously choose your response. You can respond to the storm intelligently without getting soaked by the rain.

Accepting your emotional guidance

Most likely due to last night’s storm, many traffic lights in our neighborhood were down this morning. This caused Erin some delays when driving. To me that’s a wonderful metaphor for the role of our emotions. Without our emotional signals, we lack the guidance to get where we need to go. We get stuck and stall. When we tune out our emotions, we lose touch with our inner guidance, and every light becomes a stop sign.

As I look outside my window right now, the storm is gone, and the sun is shining once again. No storm lasts forever. Of course, you can still extend the duration of a storm by identifying with it, becoming attached to it, and following it around wherever it goes. Many people do this with their emotional storms. But if you remain still and simply observe the storm, the storm will soon pass on its own.

When you go out and try to battle a storm, will you ever win? Of course not. You’ll be blown around by the wind and drenched by the rain. The storm will only make you foolish. But when you simply sit back and observe the storm, you may realize that it’s fun to watch. There’s no need to resist these emotional storms, nor to identify with them. They’re a natural part of life in the physical universe.

Developing emotional wisdom

It can be very difficult for people to come to terms with the fact that their emotions seem totally out of sync with the people around them. But your emotional feedback is unique because your life path is unique. Maybe everyone around you seems reasonably content while you’re constantly depressed. Or perhaps you’re surrounded by apathetic people, but you’re really frustrated. You must learn to trust your own emotions, even when they don’t align with the other people in your life.

When you look at your life path and see nothing but red lights, cutting power to the lights isn’t the answer. The answer may be that you’re stuck on the wrong path and need to make major changes — new work, new relationships, new thinking, new inspiration, and a new environment. Those feelings will be with you a long time, no matter how much you may drug them with pills, sugar, alcohol, or other mood-altering substances. I know it seems easier in the short term to down a few pills, especially when people you trust are passing you those substances. But stop and ask yourself if those substances are really necessary and right for you. Have you taken the time to step back and observe your emotional storm to see if it contains a message of truth you weren’t ready to hear?

When I notice myself feeling the urge to ingest an excessive amount of sugar, caffeine, or idle entertainment, I can trace it to an emotional storm that I’m having difficulty dealing with. That’s when I have to remind myself to step back, observe the storm, and receive its message. I often resist the message out of fear for what it might require of me, but when I do eventually hear it, it’s invariably more gentle and forgiving than I imagined. I’m usually left with a feeling of gratitude.

When we become too deeply associated with our physical avatars, we can easily feel overwhelmed by our emotional storms, so much so that we block their messages. But remember that your avatar is not your identity. Your consciousness is capable of taking on multiple perspectives, and the low-level, first-person avatar view is only one of them. I often find it more empowering to assume the perspective of being the conscious container in which all of physical reality takes place — a God’s eye view if you will. From this viewpoint I can see that the physical person Steve is just my avatar in physical universe, and I don’t feel a need to resist or become overly attached to what he personally experiences. So even as Steve may go through those emotional storms every once in a while, the higher-level observer is having fun watching it all unfold. I think it’s best not to take life so personally.

I’ve noticed that as I’ve made good progress in aligning my life with my deepest, truest desires over the past few years, the emotional storms do not cease. However, my capacity to handle them is much greater. But because of that greater capacity, the new storms come at different levels. They almost always come to me at my weakest points, the parts of my life that are most out of alignment with my inner guidance. After I successfully survive one storm, my inner guidance is steering me into rough weather once again. It’s like playing a game where your avatar keeps going up in levels, but so do all the monsters. However, this is what keeps the game stimulating and fun. I feel that my real progress has been in the area of my willingness to embrace this kind of game and to keep facing down new challenges, even as they lead me to confront bigger “monsters.” I may have a more capable avatar and greater resources at my disposal than I did five years ago, but the challenges simply keep pace. Even as my avatar experiences a whirlwind of emotions, I rather enjoy the ride. At times it can be scary, sad, frustrating, or disappointing, but it’s also incredibly fun.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 22

A Better Life

Thoughts can only be formed in the present moment. And thoughts can only exert effects in the present moment. If you can grasp these two concepts, you’ll be able to discard some forms of delusional thinking and craft much more effective intentions.

Here’s an example to help clarify: Suppose you like the idea of tithing 10% of your income to worthy causes. But your finances are too tight for you to feel comfortable tithing right now. However, you tell yourself that you intend to start tithing once you experience a greater state of abundance. So you’re acknowledging the reality of your present situation while holding a positive intention for the future. This seems reasonable, doesn’t it?

In actuality, however, this type of thinking is self-defeating.

Consider the thoughts/intentions that are being put forth:

The intention to tithe (future).
The intention to experience limited finances (present).
The intention not to tithe (present).
The intention to experience abundance (future).

Now collapse all of these intentions to the present, since other times are merely illusion. This yields the following:

The intention to tithe (present).
The intention to experience limited finances (present).
The intention not to tithe (present).
The intention to experience abundance (present).

Is this a congruent set of intentions? Obviously it’s in conflict because 1 cancels 3, and 2 cancels 4.

Unfortunately, this is how most people go about forming and holding intentions. No wonder their intentions fail to manifest. If you hold intentions like the ones above, you can invest tons of energy and have very little to show for it.

Intending the present

So what’s the solution? The solution requires that if you want to hold an intention for your future, you must in fact hold that intention for your present. The focal point of your positive expectations must be now – not later… or tomorrow… or someday.

So how do you hold an intention for a future situation that is supposedly better/different than your present reality? How do you acknowledge the reality of now and intend a future that is better than now? The most accurate answer is that you don’t. It isn’t possible because the future is only an illusion. However, there’s a way around that.

Creative observation

What you do is apply the principle of Creative Observation. Forget about past and future, and focus entirely on the present. But give your present a velocity instead of seeing it as a fixed point. Your present is not a single frame snapshot – it’s an animation. Whenever you hold an intention, you’re aiming to alter that animation.

Let’s return to the tithing example. If you recognize the present as the only reality, then your new intentions will look something like this:

The intention that your tithes are continually increasing (present).
The intention that your experience of abundance is continually increasing (present).

So instead of stressing the difference between point A (your present reality) and point B (your intended future), you’re merging the two points.

For my fellow math nerds, we can say that our intentions should focus on the slope of the line segment between A and B rather than the distance between A and B. Point B is technically imaginary (not in the sense of the mathematical concept of imaginary numbers but simply because it’s a projection into a future that doesn’t actually exist), but point A and the slope at point A both exist in the present moment. So we can effectively hold the intention of B without succumbing to delusional thinking by focusing on the slope at A instead.

This may seem like a minor distinction (or even a pointless one), but it’s pretty important in practice. If you want your intention to manifest, you must stop reinforcing its absence. But at the same time, you cannot escape the necessity of observing your present moment. So by all means continue to observe, but observe with the intention of continuous change in the direction of your desires. Intend your reality into motion.

For example, if you want to become a more positive thinker, then imagine yourself as thinking more and more positively – right now in this very moment. Don’t worry about tomorrow or next week. Stay centered in the moment.

One day at a time

The “one day at a time” concept is consistent with this model, since “one day at a time” is essentially a mantra to bring your attention back to the present. Instead of worrying about a long-term goal that may seem daunting, you focus on present-moment improvement. This is often applied in overcoming addictions because every moment that passes without succumbing to your addiction is a step in the right direction.

Whenever you observe reality, observe it changing in the direction of your desires. See your present reality as a canvas that paints an ever more beautiful picture. Your awareness of that beauty is constantly increasing. Life is getting better and better.

The nice thing about this model is that you can always apply it, even in seemingly negative circumstances. You can always intend improvement. You can always focus on hope.

If your experience of reality is only a 1 on a scale of 1-10, don’t intend a 10, an 8, or even a 2. Intend the velocity of that rating. Create the present-moment improvement. No matter how displeased you are with your current reality, you can always pause for a moment to intend improvement here and now.

As you go through your day, pause and intend improvement whenever the thought occurs to you. For example:

Your financial abundance is increasing.
People are being nicer to you.
You’re providing more value to others.
You’re feeling more energetic, alert, and happy.
You’re enjoying your life more.
You’re thinking more positively.
You’re feeling more relaxed.
You’re getting stronger.
The universe is conspiring to bring you more of what you want.

The amazing power of momentum

As I explained in Podcast #1, I began my path of conscious growth many years ago while sitting in a jail cell. I would have rated my life situation no higher than a 2 at the time. But in that cell, I recognized the power of positive momentum. I could still imagine that things were getting better.

Shortly after I had that thought, while still in my cell, a change of clothing was delivered by the guards, swapping one set of orange garb for another. My cellmate, a teenager like me, picked up his new clothes and began unfolding them. He suddenly stopped and held up one of the socks he received. It was only an inch long! It looked like a yarmulke for a toe. Even though we’d barely said two words to each other before then, in that moment we both burst out laughing. I’m sure it was one of those “you had to be there” moments, but it gave us a much needed release of tension. That single moment of silliness against the backdrop of a seemingly dreadful situation helped redirect my thoughts in a more positive and constructive direction.

Even as setbacks occur, do your best to keep refocusing your thoughts toward the expectation that your life is getting better. Not worse. Not the same. Better. If that’s still too difficult, then have a good laugh at how truly pathetic your life has become. Now and then we all get dealt a toe yarmulke, and acknowledging and laughing at it can move us one step closer to a full sock.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 20

How to Stop Complaining

Perhaps the most important step in quitting the habit of complaining is to disconnect the undesirable behavior from your identity. A common mistake chronic complainers make is to self-identify with the negative thoughts running through their minds. Such a person might admit, “I know I’m responsible for my thoughts, but I don’t know how to stop myself from thinking negatively so often.” That seems like a step in the right direction, and to a certain degree it is, but it’s also a trap. It’s good to take responsibility for your thoughts, but you don’t want to identify with those thoughts to the point you end up blaming yourself and feeling even worse.

A better statement might be, “I recognize these negative thoughts going through my mind. But those thoughts are not me. As I raise my awareness, I can replace those thoughts with positive alternatives.” You have the power to recondition your thoughts, but the trick is to keep your consciousness out of the quagmire of blame. Realize that while these thoughts are flowing through your mind, they are not you. You are the conscious conduit through which they flow.

Mental conditioning

Although your thoughts are not you, if you repeat the same thoughts over and over again, they will condition your mind to a large extent. It’s almost accurate to say that we become our dominant thoughts, but I think that’s taking it a bit too far.

Consider how the foods you eat condition your body. You aren’t really going to become the next meal you eat, but that meal is going to influence your physiology, and if you keep eating the same meals over and over, they’ll have a major impact on your body over time. Your body will crave and expect those same foods. However, your body remains separate and distinct from the foods you eat, and you’re still free to change what you eat, which will gradually recondition your physiology in accordance with the new inputs.

This is why negative thinking is so addictive. If you keep holding negative thoughts, you condition your mind to expect and even crave those continued inputs. Your neurons will even learn to predict the reoccurrence of negative stimuli. You’ll practically become a negativity magnet.

The trap of negative thinking

This is a tough situation to escape because it’s self-perpetuating, as anyone stuck in negative thinking knows all too well. Your negative experiences feed your negative expectations, which then attract new negative experiences.

In truth most people who enter this pattern never escape it in their entire lives. It’s just that difficult to escape. Even as they rail against their own negativity, they unknowingly perpetuate it by continuing to identify with it. If you beat yourself up for being too negative, you’re simply reinforcing the pattern, not breaking out of it.

I think most people who are stuck in this trap will remain stuck until they experience an elevation in their consciousness. They have to recognize that they’re trapped and that continuing to fight their own negativity while still identifying with it is a battle that can never be won. Think about it. If beating yourself up for being too whiny was going to work, wouldn’t it have worked a long time ago? Are you any closer to a solution for all the effort you’ve invested in this plan of attack?

Consequently, the solution I like best is to stop fighting and surrender. Instead of resisting the negativity head-on, acknowledge and accept its presence. This will actually have the effect of raising your consciousness.

Overcoming negativity

You can actually learn to embrace the negative thoughts running through your head and thereby transcend them. Allow them to be, but don’t identify with them because those thoughts are not you. Begin to interact with them like an observer.

It’s been said that the mind is like a hyperactive monkey. The more you fight with the monkey, the more hyper it becomes. So instead just relax and observe the monkey until it wears itself out.

Recognize also that this is the very reason you’re here, living out your current life as a human being. Your reason for being here is to develop your consciousness. If you’re mired in negativity, your job is to develop your consciousness to the point where you can learn to stay focused on what you want, to create positively instead of destructively. It may take you more than a lifetime to accomplish that, and that’s OK. Your life is always reflecting back to you the contents of your consciousness. If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, that’s because your skill at conscious creation remains underdeveloped. That’s not a problem though because you’re here to develop it. You’re experiencing exactly what you’re supposed to be experiencing so you can learn.

Conscious creation

If you need a few more lifetimes to work through your negativity, you’re free to take your time. Conscious creation is a big responsibility, and maybe you don’t feel ready for it yet. So until then you’re going to perpetuate the pattern of negative thinking to keep yourself away from that realization. You must admit that the idea of being the primary creator of everything in your current reality is a bit daunting. What are you going to make of your life? What if you screw up? What if you make a big mess of everything? What if you try your best and fail? Those self-doubts will keep you in a pattern of negativity as a way of avoiding that responsibility.

Unfortunately, this escapism has consequences. The only way true creators can deny responsibility for their creations is to buy into the illusion that they aren’t really creating any of it. This means you have to turn your own creative energy against yourself. You’re like a god using his powers to become powerless. You use your strength to make yourself weak.

The reason you may be stuck in a negative thought pattern right now is that at some point, you chose it. You figured the alternative of accepting full responsibility for everything in your reality would be worse. It’s too much to handle. So you turned your own thoughts against yourself to avoid that awesome responsibility. And you’ll continue to remain in a negative manifestation pattern until you’re ready to start accepting some of that responsibility back onto your plate.

Negativity needn’t be a permanent condition. You still have the freedom to choose otherwise. In practice this realization normally happens in layers of unfolding awareness. You begin to accept and embrace more and more responsibility for your life.

Assuming total responsibility

You see… the real solution to complaining is responsibility. You must say to the universe (and mean it), “I want to accept more responsibility for everything in my experience.”

Here are some examples of what I mean by accepting responsibility:

If I’m unhappy, it’s because I’m creating it.
If there’s a problem in the world that bothers me, I’m responsible for fixing it.
If someone is in need, I’m responsible for helping them.
If I want something, it’s up to me to achieve it.
If I want certain people in my life, I must attract and invite them to be with me.
If I don’t like my present circumstances, I must end them.

On the flip side, it may also help to take responsibility for all the good in your life. The good stuff didn’t just happen to you. You created it. Well done.

Pat yourself on the back for what you like, but don’t feel you must pretend to enjoy what you clearly don’t like. But do accept responsibility for all of it… to the extent you’re ready to do so.

Complaining is the denial of responsibility. And blame is just another way of excusing yourself from being responsible. But this denial still wields its own creative power.

Conscious creation is indeed an awesome responsibility. But in my opinion it’s the best part of being human. There’s just no substitute for creating a life of joy, even if it requires taking responsibility for all the unwanted junk you’ve manifested up to this point.

When you catch yourself complaining, stop and ask yourself if you want to continue to deny responsibility for your reality or to allow a bit more responsibility back onto your plate. Maybe you’re ready to assume more responsibility, and maybe you aren’t, but do your best to make that decision consciously. Do you want sympathy for creating what you don’t want, or do you want congratulations for creating what you do want?

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 17

Complaining

Complaining, like all thought patterns, is not mere observation. Complaining is a creative act. The more you complain, you more you summon your creative energies to attract something to complain about. Your complaints may seem fully justified, but realize that whenever you complain, you are placing your order for more of the same. Complaining is not merely about the past. Whenever you make a complaint, realize you are setting an intention — a goal — for the future.

Note that complaining is not the same thing as having a negative emotional reaction. That first-response negative reaction is OK. Complaining is the act of reinforcing what you don’t want and intending even more of it. It’s the act of dwelling on the negative.

People who complain trap themselves in a reality that constantly gives them more to complain about. Life keeps harshing on them. Their luck is below average. They never get any real breaks. Unfortunate circumstances, seemingly beyond their control, keep manifesting. It seems totally unfair, but it isn’t. The complainers are merely witnessing the fulfillment of their own requests. Every thought is an intention, and complainers habitually intend what they don’t want. So it makes perfect sense they live in a reality congruent with those thoughts. The complainer may tell you their reality is causing their complaints, but it’s more accurate to say their reality is reflecting their complaints.

Complaining is also addictive. The more you do it, even within your own mind, the more it becomes an ingrained habit and the harder it is to stop.

Complaining and the Law of Attraction

I’ve seen many a person claim to be using the Law of Attraction properly, holding only positive intentions and thinking predominantly about what they want to attract. Then after a few weeks of little or no results, they fire off an explosion of complaints:

This LoA stuff is nonsense! I gave it a real shot, and it isn’t working for me. Why haven’t my intentions manifested yet? Why does this seem to work for other people but not me? I’ve wasted a lot of time on this and have nothing to show for it! Robble robble robble!

People who really grasp the LoA won’t do this sort of thing. It’s like planting a seed and then digging it up in a wild thrashing manner to see if it’s growing. You just killed the plant in the process. Now consider this: If someone finds it necessary to kill their plant to verify it’s growing, did they really expect/intend the plant to survive and thrive in the first place? Obviously not. If you know the plant will grow, you won’t dig it up. Similarly, if you intend with certainty that your intention is going to manifest, you won’t lash out with complaints about your failure. You’ll simply continue holding the intention until it does manifest, no matter how long it takes.

In practice you will see some intenders hold their intentions patiently for months and years, while complainers will usually give up within the first 30 days. Why? You might not like what I’m going to say, but the truth is that the complainers were predisposed to eventually give up. Failure was their true background intention.

You see… people who backlash at the LoA for not giving them what they want never fully embraced the LoA in the first place. They were always expecting to fail, simply paying lip service to the idea of positive intentions. But their background thinking remained negative.

You can’t fool the LoA. It knows your true expectations, and it isn’t going to release its treasures to those it knows will eventually give up.

Intentions and time

Recognize that the LoA is timeless, not time-bound. Here’s how I like to think of it: Any thought you hold at any time is a timeless intention, so all thoughts in all times influence your results in all times. Now that’s a gross overgeneralization, but if you accept it as true, it will help you understand why you must treat your intentions as timeless commitments.

Your lifetime of thoughts acts like a resonating band of intention. That band’s overall signature determines what kind of life you live. A chronic complainer will manifest a predominantly negative life. A positive thinker will manifest a predominantly positive life.

Your thoughts/intentions are not time-bound. If you’re going to complain at some point in the future, that complaint will subtly affect you today.

Let me give you a real-world example. Suppose your car broke down this morning, and it was totally unexpected.

What caused that breakdown? Some might say it’s the laws of physics. An LoA advocate might say that you were unconsciously putting out intentions before then to manifest the breakdown, perhaps for reasons that may not be clear to you. However, I’m suggesting something else may have caused the accident.

How did you react to the breakdown after it happened? Did you complain about it? Did you keep going over it in your mind, making your negative reaction stronger and stronger? Do you realize all those thoughts are intentions? I’m actually suggesting that your act of complaining about the accident after it happened is what manifested the accident in the first place. If you weren’t going to complain about it, the accident might never have happened.

I know this runs contrary to how most people think about cause and effect. However, if you play with this idea for a bit, you’ll come to a new understand of the LoA, one which I believe is more consistent with its actual functioning. If you begin to see intentions as running backward and forward through time, you’ll recognize just how crucial it is to keep your thoughts positive at all times if you want to manifest a positive life. Even complaining about the past is a thought pattern you must eventually drop.

People commonly assume the LoA only travels forward in time. I don’t think so. In fact, I’m fairly certain that isn’t true at all.

The complainer seed

Here’s another way to think about this, one that might be a little easier to accept if you’re very attached to linear thinking. Consider that if something unfortunate happens to you, and you’re going to complain about it afterwards, then there must have been some kind of complainer seed within you in the first place… before that negative event took place. You must already have been the kind of person who’s predisposed to complain. And if that seed is there, you can bet the LoA is going to pick up on it.

Really positive people who are good at manifesting don’t complain. Even when things don’t go their way, they keep directing their thoughts towards the positive side. They expect that things will eventually go their way. They also take action to participate in the positive manifestation. Setbacks don’t make them throw in the towel and curse the LoA because they don’t harbor the complainer seed. They’re not going to perfect about it, but this is their dominant pattern.

If you want to create the life you really want, instead of one you merely tolerate, you must eventually uproot the complainer seed. This seed is so destructive that it will keep killing the positive seeds you plant. It knows it can eventually destroy them. It knows you’re only fooling yourself. It will make you think the positive seeds you’re planting are really weeds, such as wishful thinking or gullibility.

When you finally recognize that the complainer seed will continue to sabotage your efforts as long as you harbor it, make the conscious decision to dump it. Only then can your positive intentions take root without being uprooted.

Whenever you catch yourself complaining, visualize that complainer seed, and imagine yourself uprooting it and throwing it away. Feed it to the birds. Give it back to Source. Or just toss it in the garbage. Then visualize a positive thinking seed, plant it, fertilize it, and water it. Say to yourself, “I hold the seed of happiness.”

Complaining may be a compelling addiction, but it needn’t be a life sentence.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)

Aug 15

Life Sucks, Then You Die

What if you hate your life? Or maybe you don’t quite hate it, but you’re just not happy with your current situation? Perhaps you’re depressed, bored, or apathetic. Or maybe you just don’t see the point in living at all.

If you don’t see the point in living, then you’re missing the point of life entirely. The point of life is to enjoy it.

Your life is your creation. It’s not something that happens to you — unless you make the foolish mistake of abandoning your position as its chief architect. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t feel bad. We all make that mistake at some point. We all forget that we’re in charge of our own lives and that our experience of life is largely under our control. But the truth is that we live by choice.

If you think your life is out of your control, it’s because you’ve chosen to relinquish the controls. What happens when you let go of the controls of a vehicle in motion, such as a car you’re driving? Its behavior is unpredictable. It may spin around in circles… or get stuck somewhere… or even crash. Isn’t that precisely what happens to us when we abandon responsibility for living our lives?

Surrender

What about surrendering your life to a higher power? Isn’t that a good thing? That depends on how you apply it. If you think surrendering to a higher power means relinquishing the controls and hoping everything works out OK, well… I hope you don’t try this while driving 60mph on the freeway. That type of surrender is precisely the opposite of conscious living. It’s not spiritual. It’s not divine. It’s just dumb.

True surrender is a deepening of responsibility, not an abdication of it. In this form of surrender, you make the very conscious decision to align yourself with a so-called higher power. This higher power might be your version of God, Source, nature, your higher self, or something else you regard as beyond your human ego. You can be an atheist and still undergo this form of surrender. It’s a decision to cooperate with what you believe is the greater good. In practice it means letting go of your resistance to life and deciding to create a live of joy instead of one of pain. You don’t give up control of your vehicle here — quite the contrary. You keep total control of your vehicle, but you commit to driving more intelligently, using the roads instead of ramming into trees.

Emotional feedback

Your human emotions serve as your feedback mechanism on your life’s journey. They’re like the dashboard display on your car. When your dashboard indicates a problem, it means you need to fix something with the car. It doesn’t mean the dashboard is broken.

If your car can’t move forward because you’ve run it into a tree, and your speedometer indicates 0mph despite your flooring the accelerator, is that the car’s fault? Do you exclaim, “Damn this stupid car! I hate my car!” because it can’t barrel through the tree? People would think you’re crazy. But that’s exactly what so many of us do with our lives. Maybe getting stuck was your fault and maybe it wasn’t, but remember you’re still the driver. You aren’t going to get unstuck by blaming the car; that will only perpetuate your stuckness.

When you’re not enjoying life, that’s a message you need to listen to. Feeling bad about your life doesn’t mean you have emotional problems or that you’re psychologically damaged in some way. Your feedback mechanism is doing its job just fine. You’re supposed to feel bad when your life is out of whack. You just need to interpret the message properly and then take action to correct the situation.

For example, if you’re feeling chronically apathetic, depressed, or bored to tears with your life, perhaps the message is this: Your life sucks!

That is to say… your current life situation is not at all what you want. You don’t want to keep experiencing what you’re experiencing.

Now upon receiving this feedback, many people, for one reason or another, respond as if the emotional feedback was itself the problem. Maybe we need therapy or drugs or escapism to fix those pesky negative emotions. That’s like blaming your car for running out of gas. It’s supposed to eventually run out of gas. That means it’s working properly. Likewise you’re supposed to experience these negative emotional states when you’re veering off course from what you want. That means your emotional feedback is working properly. Be thankful when this happens because this feedback is extremely valuable.

Choose your response

Once you start getting negative emotional feedback, you’re supposed to act on it. It’s a signal to get off your butt and move, to change what you’re doing. If you’ve been stuck in negative emotions for a long time, it means you’ve been failing to heed the message. It’s time to do something about that feedback. Trying to avoid dealing with it is like ignoring a warning like on your car’s dashboard; you’re only going to make things worse if you delay.

If you feel negatively about your job, change it. If you feel negatively about your relationship, change it. If you feel negatively about your body, change it. If you feel negatively about your financial situation, change it.

I’m not saying change will be easy. But it’s always within your power to change something, and it is a lot easier than wallowing in self-pity. Thinking about taking action but not taking action is harder than taking action. If you’re stuck in negative emotions, you’re making things unnecessarily hard. You’re picking the most difficult alternative available to you. It’s easier to get off your butt and get moving.

You may not fix everything overnight, but the very act of getting into motion will usually be enough to turn off those negative emotions. Then you’ll start feeling positive and happy again as you begin making progress towards what you want. Just being in motion towards a better situation feels good, sometimes really good.

If you’ve been feeling down for a long time now, it’s because you’ve been wallowing far too long in a situation you don’t want. If you don’t want your current situation, leave. You know you don’t want it, so stop tolerating it.

Stop kidding yourself. You’re not powerless to change. In your mind you’re probably making the key actions a lot more complicated than they need to be. It’s pretty amazing how many stuck situations can get unstuck with just a few moments of action. Here are some examples:

If you don’t like your job, go to your boss and say, “I don’t like this job, so I’m quitting.”

If you don’t like your relationship, go to your partner and say, “This relationship isn’t working for me, so I want to break up now.”

If you don’t like your body, go through your kitchen and throw out every item you sense will make your body worse if you were to eat it regularly. Then go shopping and replace those items with choices you feel will make your body better.

If you don’t like your finances, take your current monthly income and mentally increase it by 50%. Then start brainstorming what you’d need to do to become worthy of earning that amount consistently. Write that figure down on a piece of paper, and tape it to your wall where you’ll see it every day. If you have a job you like, go to your boss or your boss’ boss, tell them that figure is your income goal, and ask what you’d need to do to start earning it. If they tell you it’s impossible, you know you’ll need to switch jobs too.

Getting unstuck is about making simple decisions and taking actions, always moving away from what you don’t want and towards what you want. If you don’t know what you want, then just move away from what you don’t want until you figure it out.

No matter how bad you feel about your life, you’re not helpless. You probably contributed a great deal to getting yourself into your current situation. Even when you think someone or something else is to blame, you probably had the power to intervene to prevent it if you really made an effort. But the past is over, so there’s no point beating yourself up about previous mistakes. Just commit to being a bit more conscious going forward.

Your power lies in your ability to make decisions. If your life sucks — and your emotions are drowning you in that message day after day — then you stop making the same decisions you’ve been making in the past because they clearly aren’t working. It’s time to start making new decisions and acting on them.

If you don’t know what to do to correct your situation, just do something different than what you’re already doing. You know those lame decisions aren’t working, so they can’t possibly be right. Maybe your new decisions will be better, and maybe they won’t. Either way your emotions will continue to provide feedback, and you can adjust course as you go. Anything is better than staying stuck, since you know that’s a dead end already.

Choose happiness

Don’t settle for a life you know isn’t working. Change it. If necessary do something radically different. Fire everyone who doesn’t making you feel good about yourself. Quit everything that makes you unhappy. Reboot your life situation. If other people whine about it, screw ‘em. They’ll get over it.

You’re here to create the life you really want, not to endure a life you don’t want. Your power to make decisions and take action is all you need to get you out of a crappy situation. Exercise that power consciously.

If you still don’t know what to do, then ask yourself this question: What would a happy person do in my situation? If you start doing what you think a happy person would do, you’ll start moving towards a life that naturally resonates with happiness. If you’re really clueless, you can even post in the forums on this site, describe your situation, and ask other people what they’d do to change it for the better. Lots of people have already done this and have gotten great responses.

Never give up

I’m no stranger to the ”my life sucks” period. I’d drag myself out of bed sometime after noon, play video games for hours, maybe hang out drinking with friends or play poker, stay up late, go for a long walk thinking about how much my life sucked, crash feeling depressed, and repeat. For months I kept doing the same thing over and over. And life kept right on sucking. My emotions kept telling me, “Damn this sucks!” That whole period of my life is one giant blur.

Finally I’d had enough and reached the breaking point, and I decided to change it. I finally woke up and realized that I was the one in charge of this life and that I actually had the power to change it. Even so, it still took me a few years before I was in a situation I felt I wanted. The outer change was neither fast nor easy. But it was a heck of a lot easier than wallowing in self-pity. And I started feeling a lot better as soon as I got moving in a new direction.

I stopped hanging out with unsupportive friends, stopped drinking, stopped gambling, moved to a new place, started running, and reconnected with some positive old friends. I made lots and lots of changes. If I couldn’t figure out what would be better, I just went for different. And it worked.

If you’re going through a tough time right now, I feel for you. I’m saying that as someone who’s been there. Obviously I haven’t been through the same experiences you have, and we can compare notes about who had it worse later, but I know what it feels like to feel that life is totally pointless. I know what it feels like to wake up each morning with the hazy hope of finding something mildly interesting to do that day… but always being disappointed with the reality. I know what it’s like to look towards the future and see nothing to look forward to of any consequence, aside from the shallow possibility of a new movie or game to distract me a while longer.

I also know that the solution is to wake up and realize you’re doing this to yourself. Recognize that you’re the creator of your life — not your family, your boss, your spouse, the government, or society at large. No one is coming to rescue you. It’s all you. If your life currently sucks, it’s entirely up to you to change it.

We human beings are immensely resilient. Even when we’re in seemingly hopeless situations, we can still dig ourselves out and make something better of it. The only way for life to become truly hopeless is to decide to lose hope.

Your life will improve the moment you realize life isn’t something to be endured or tolerated. It’s an experience of your own creation. Your thoughts and actions are the primary forces that determine the reality of your day-to-day experience. If you’re life sucks, it’s because you’ve been a sucky creator. But you can get better.

In this lifetime you are the creator, the architect, the engineer, the artist. Use your gift of consciousness to chisel yourself a masterpiece. Then keep improving it as you enjoy the heck out of it. And never, ever give up.

Discuss this post in the Steve Pavlina forum.

(via Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog)